The Turmoil of Thoughts During Never-Ending Job Hunting...

The turmoil of thoughts during never-ending job hunting can feel like an exhausting emotional rollercoaster. You might cycle through hope, doubt, frustration, and determination all in the same day. There's the initial optimism that comes with sending applications, a sense of possibility in each new opportunity. But as time drags on, self-doubt creeps in—am I doing enough? Am I qualified enough?

Worse, the path forward starts to feel like wandering down a road with no clear destination in sight. It’s disorienting—everyone else seems to have a well-defined path. Programmers, product managers, and designers, all have a specific goal and clear steps to take. Meanwhile, I’m out here throwing darts at a wall, hoping one hits the bullseye.

Looking back, it almost feels like I’ve been doing random things, trying out different roles, courses, and approaches, all without a real sense of direction. There’s no specific career path I’ve followed, no clear trajectory to where I want to go. Everyone around me seems to have their act together, chasing roles in fields where they’ve gained years of experience and specialized knowledge.

I, on the other hand, seem to be casting a wide net, hoping something—anything—sticks. After feeling lost in the job search wilderness for so long, I finally decided to pursue a course in science, thinking it might give me some clarity or a sense of direction. And while it’s helping me gain some skills, the nagging doubt is always there, whispering, What are you even applying for? Where is this heading?

It’s like trying to solve a puzzle without knowing what the final picture should look like. Everyone else seems to be piecing theirs together, while I’m stuck shuffling pieces with no frame, no corners, no clues. And it’s draining. The job hunt isn’t just about searching for employment anymore—it’s about searching for a purpose, for some kind of validation that I’m on the right track, even if that track is winding, messy, and full of detours.

It's not that I believe everyone around me has it all figured out. I know people have their own uncertainties. But at the very least, they seem to have one thing I don’t: a clear idea of what role they should be applying for. They might be unsure of their next steps, but they know what they're stepping into. Me? I’m out here applying for jobs I don’t even fully qualify for, hoping something will click. And it’s that uncertainty—what role am I even suited for?—that makes this whole process feel so much heavier.

It’s like trying to win a game when I don’t even know the rules. I’m not just struggling with whether or not I’m good enough—I’m struggling to figure out what I’m even supposed to be good at. Meanwhile, I’m watching others who at least have that baseline certainty—they’re applying for project manager roles because that’s what they’ve trained for, or they’re software engineers who know their path, even if the competition is tough. But me? I feel like I’m spinning the wheel of fortune, hoping to land on something that makes sense.

What makes it worse is the job market itself. It's not just a matter of finding a role that fits anymore. I’m competing with people who have 20+ years of experience and are still getting rejected for not meeting some requirements. It’s a rollercoaster—one minute I’m motivated, thinking I’ll land the perfect role and the next, I’m questioning whether I’ll ever find something where I can genuinely add value.

For now, though, it’s back to the grind, back to sending out applications and hoping for that one moment when it all clicks—when the abyss of endless job hunting finally shows a glimmer of light. Until then, I’ll keep spiralling, but maybe with a little less panic and a little more faith that the path, as undefined as it may be, is still worth walking.

Alrighty folks!!! That’s all for the depressed ranting about my quarter-life crisis. Let’s see where this wild ride takes us next—maybe to a job, maybe just to more coffee and existential dread. 

Bye-bye for now!